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A Note from Parijat on Healing

Finding Your Wins

Frequently, I’m asked about my thoughts on how to recover from medical trauma, birth trauma, pregnancy trauma, or traumatic loss. Sometimes on a podcast or media interview. Sometimes during a casual conversation with a friend. Each question centers around one very strong, common theme: how do I heal? There’s an urgency to the question and an earnest request to find The Answer in order to Get There. 

But my answers are rarely satisfying because there is no Answer and there is no There. Healing is a lifestyle not a finish line that we cross. I’m regularly nervous to say this out loud because I know it’s not what people want to hear. Yet, I can’t not say it, because I want you to know the truth. I firmly believe that knowing the truth, no matter how hard it may be to hear, is far better than chasing a mirage. I also recognize that when the truth feels overwhelming or too far away to reach, we become paralyzed and we do nothing about it. 

We all do this. I do too.

I’ve found that when you embark on a lifelong journey like healing from birth trauma or traumatic loss, there have to be wins along the way. Quickly. We need to start some kind of a positive feedback loop to prove that adjusting our day to day to match a lifestyle that supports our healing is worth it. Just telling ourselves it’s worth it isn’t enough. No one would ever procrastinate doing things that are good for them if that were enough. 

We have to experience for ourselves that it’s worth it. 

We need quick wins. We need to feel in our bones that we can make forward progress toward the very thing we want back that was stolen from us when we went through our traumatic event(s). 


Whatever it may be for you.

I’ve found those quick wins to be reminiscent of the mileage signs on a road trip. See, I get quickly bored in the car. Early on in a car ride I find myself asking why we decided to embark on this trip, doubting if it would all be worth it as I hear whining and fighting from the back seat. But as soon as that mileage sign shows up, it reminds me that we’ve made progress. We aren’t there yet, but we’re making progress. 

That’s the point of the quick wins. They don’t heal you, but they show you that you’re making progress and that sticking with those lifestyle changes you’re trying to implement is worth it. 

I believe everyone can heal. I believe everyone can experience the whole-health benefits of neuro-endo-immune recovery after chronic and traumatic stress. I believe when we heal, it will change the world and all of the broken systems that keep the world turning right now. With a safe environment, with supportive relationships, and with the willingness to do and be different, I believe this is possible for all of us.

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