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Grieving Without Pain

Losing a child, or any loved one is a devastating experience that defies the pop culture notion that time heals all wounds. Grief, while inherently painful, reflects the love we carry for those no longer with us. However, an added layer of pain compounds grief when the loss was a traumatic loss or when grief is not able to be metabolized.

What is a traumatic loss?

A traumatic loss is when the death of a loved one or the experience of a non-death loss triggers a traumatic reaction. A traumatic reaction is one when our threat response is activated but we’re unable to complete the threat cycle and our entire body becomes stuck in an active threat state

Because there is no universal definition of trauma – it is only what you experienced as threatening at the time – a traumatic loss is also defined by you. There is no loss that qualifies as “traumatic enough”. If it felt traumatic to you, it counts as a traumatic loss.

Healing from a traumatic loss

During a traumatic loss, grief intertwines with the pain of traumatic stress—mourning the loved one and living in a body fighting for survival. Healing begins by addressing the traumatic stress first; progress in grief healing is challenging at best while our bodies remain in a threat state.

When loss and trauma co-occur, the primary focus is to disconnect the traumatic stress from the grief. After the trauma is resolved, your body can metabolize the grief in the way it is built to know how. When grief feels stuck or too painful to experience fully, it indicates an interconnectedness of traumatic stress and grief. 

It is possible to remember without pain

The sadness does not disappear with time because that sadness is a manifestation of the love you have felt and continue to feel for your babies and your loved ones. It is, however, possible to remember without the pain of trying to survive while grieving. 

You can remember your babies from a place of peace, love, and connection. You deserve to release yourself from the pain. We can show you how inside the Ruvelle Experience.

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