Have you ever had a moment when someone asked you a simple question like, “Do you want Mexican or Italian for dinner?” or “Do you want an extra blanket?” and you just cannot make the decision? Have you noticed that this has gotten worse since your fertility treatments, loss, high-risk pregnancy or birth trauma?
Indecisiveness is often considered a problem that needs to be fixed. Many people go to great lengths to try and solve this issue, to learn to be more decisive, and to change who they are.
What if you considered indecisiveness less as a problem and more as a signal?
When we are living in an active threat response, blood flows away from brain structures that are required to make even simple decisions. This is your body’s way of physiologically reprioritizing physiological functionality–away from thinking, processing, decision making and toward movements and postures that will help you survive.
When you’re living in an active threat response due to incomplete threat cycles, your body continues to deprioritize decision-making and prioritize health changes to help you get away from the threat. This is a foundational element of human physiology. However, human brains have evolved to be able to override these survival instincts. This is why you can make a decision eventually, but it takes so many internal resources to do so, that it can leave you feeling mentally and/or physically exhausted.
How do you overcome indecision?
Since indecision after trauma is often tied to changes in blood flow, we suggest moving away from thought-based approaches, and focusing on completing the incomplete threat cycle so that blood flow can be restored and regulated back to your baseline state. Start by identifying what threat state you are operating in. We have a quiz here to help you identify your threat state if you don’t already know it.
Then, we suggest becoming very familiar with your threat state patterns so that you can tailor your stress management and trauma healing efforts to exactly what your body needs. Our Body Language Journal is created to guide you through this process.
Overcoming indecision after fertility trauma, loss, or birth trauma is much less a thought-based skill and much more about shifting your physiology so that your body can support decision-making again.
You are not flaky. You are not indecisive. You are not unreliable or being difficult. You’re living with the physiological effects of traumatic stress that can be resolved gently, and without opening up old wounds.