light skinned doctor with dark hair is holding a clipboard and speaking with a fair skinned woman with dark hair who is pregnant

When Your Doctor Says “We Don’t Know”

When you’re on a complicated family-building journey, we know you’re faced with a lot of uncertainty about what the future holds, and how to prepare for it. We know that, more than anything, you’re searching for answers to questions about your experiences. 

Why did I miscarry a 3rd time? 
Why did I deliver preterm?
Why did I develop preeclampsia?

So when you hear, “we don’t know”, from your medical provider, it’s only natural to feel frustrated, disappointed, and worried about your future. It can feel like you’re thrown into the middle of the ocean with no direction toward land.

“We don’t know” means “we don’t know yet”. Always follow it up with a series of “why’s?”
– Parijat

A life-long questioner, Parijat reminds us to never settle for “we don’t know” and to always ask follow up questions so you can better understand why your provider believes there are no more answers to be found. . 

It’s important to discuss with your medical providers about additional (sometimes non-standard) testing that you qualify for in order to discover more information about your health condition. Suggestions of which ones to review with your providers is in our library

If your provider says the test isn’t needed, always ask for clarification so you understand why. Remember that you get the final say, so if after hearing your provider out, you still want to pursue further testing, it is your right to request it. If that request is denied, ask your provider to document in your chart that they denied our request, and begin your quest for a second opinion. 

If you’ve ever been gaslighted by medical providers, or if your concerns have ever been ignored, as is often the case for women, especially BIPOC women, it’s understandable if questioning your provider feels daunting or overwhelming. Working through your medical trauma can help you reclaim your seat at the head of your table so you can invite the right, most supportive providers for you to join you.

We’ve got you covered with the foundations of recovering from medical trauma and how to get more answers from your provider in the Ruvelle Experience.

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