You can be a positive person and still feel stressed about TTC after loss or preterm birth. This is because stress is not a mindset issue. Stress is a physiological chain reaction to a threat that your body has perceived.
In the case of TTC after loss or preterm birth, that threat can be calling the fertility clinic or being in the two week wait or even waiting for the pregnancy test or blood work results. The threat can also be the internal sensations and body changes you experience from fertility treatments.
The activation of a threat cycle when you’re TTC after loss or preterm birth has nothing to do with how positive or optimistic you are.
- You can be a positive person AND feel your chest tightening when you think about TTC again.
- You can be a positive person AND wake up every morning with a surge of fear.
- You can be a positive person AND have heart palpitations, chronic hypertension, a fibro flare.
Separation of identity and threat
It’s important you separate out your experience of feeling stressed, anxious, or worried about TTC after miscarriage or preterm delivery and who you are as a person so that you don’t add undue pressure on yourself to control a reaction that is happening outside of conscious awareness.
When you can differentiate between your identity (e.g. I am a brave person) from your experience (e.g. TTC after loss has activated my threat cycle), you can begin to see that your stress about this experience is not a character flaw, a moral failing, or something you’re doing wrong.
You can also begin to see why stress relief after loss or preemie cannot be about changing your thoughts, changing your mindset, or encouraging you to be more positive. Experiencing less stress when TTC after loss or preterm birth begins with the acceptance that trying to conceive and the idea of being pregnant again feels unsafe.
Where do I begin?
Path to Pregnancy gives you the exact tools to interrupt the threat cycle where it begins: in your body. You’ll learn science-backed strategies to support your body, prepare your health care team, and feel confident that you’ll be ready to TTC when the time is right.
